are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
