I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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