I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
