Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
