I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
