Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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