I want to make a zoo with you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Acid is not a monday night drug
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
