I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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