Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
