he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
