wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize