I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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