you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What drink are we having for lunch?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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