Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
