smell my finger.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
