I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
