If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
