how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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