people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
