I faked an abortion last night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
