on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
