So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He shit in the fireplace
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
