You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize