What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
