Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
