A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I skipped work to stalk him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
