you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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