I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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