He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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