my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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