so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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