I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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