Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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