rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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