I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
