I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
