Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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