real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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