:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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