You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are a genius and a whore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
