oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
