Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
