.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
