Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
