Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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