I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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