I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize