Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
