We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
