If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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