...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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