did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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