we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
