I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
