I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
