the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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