I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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