Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
