note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
