I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
