maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
