I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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