I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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