There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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