If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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