Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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