You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
pray to the hookup gods
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
