It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
