come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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