im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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