so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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