Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize